*NOTE: When I say “dreamedly beautiful life” (dreamedly is not a word in dictionaries), it means this story is a happy-ending story that I imagine to make me feel happy. IT’S NOT TRUE at all.*
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It is at a mid-noon no longer than I just broke up. Yes, I loved my bf, and I was not the one to say goodbye. But it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to break up. I don’t really feel OK with this kind of love. It really makes me feel uncomfortable and scared. I think it’s better to me to be considered a real boy. I want to know how to play football, I want to be good at and fond of sport, I want to join their conversation without any scare that I don’t know what to talk to keep me in the middle of the conversation, I want to do all the crazy things that boys do to each other and to be done the same. But now I’m having a problem. I’m trying to get over the breaking up. It’s really hurtful and I think I’m a bit going down. It may take sometime for me to fully recover from it.
-Hey!
I almost jump out of my skin. It’s Phuc – a friend of mine. We are nearly close. But I really feel something not good about him because I realized that he can change his mind easily like a girl changes clothes.
-What a close shave! What are you doing here? Don’t you eat with them?
-No. May I sit here?
-Yup, no problem.
He puts his lunch on the table then takes a seat right next to me. He starts eating his delicious meal taken from the food counter in our school’s canteen.
-You’ve just broken up, haven’t you?
I’m surprised at that! Everyone knows about my love, but really just some of them are confirmed, not including him. They just guess. And even if they know for sure, when I have not confirmed anything, asking me about that is absolutely abnormal. But what can I do now? Say no? Just like I’m lying.
-Uhm… – I take a breath – yes. So what?
He stops eating and looks at me:
-So you must be very sad.
-Uhm yes, I am.
-Are you getting any better?
-Actually a bit. Keep eating! – I say.
As good as a cat, he turns to his dish, eats it well.
-Why are you asking me that? – I ask.
-Yeah just to know. It’s friends. – He laughs.
-Uhm. Also thank you for asking after me.
-No problem. Why are you not eating?
-I’m not that hungry. I may eat some snacks later.
-Be careful with getting hungry. It’s long to the break. Or you can eat with me?
-Together? Eat it alone! You should be careful too.
-Be careful with what?
-Getting hungry of course.
-Well – he talks with a kidding voice – it’s not the matter with how much I eat.
-Really? I see you pretty fat. Is that you eat like a horse – I kid.
-F*ck. I’m not that fat.
-Then what is this? – I talk when feeling his belly.
-It’s not really big, right?
-OK, not big. Eat!
-Will you eat? Or I’ll feed you?
-F*ck you, no feeding.
-Open your f*cking mouth, now! – He just like screams at me.
I follow. Then he feeds me a spoonful of what’s in his dish. I enjoy it like a good cat. He looks at me eating and smiles. That smile is so warm and cute of him that I forget temporarily the sadness inside.
